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In this revised and updated version of Facing Love Addiction, bestselling author of Facing Codependence and internationally recognized dependence and addiction authority Pia Mellody unravels the intricate dynamics of unhealthy love relationships and shows us how to let go of toxic love. Through twelve-step work, exercises, and journal-keeping, Facing Love Addiction compassionately and realistically outlines the recovery process for Love Addicts, and Mellody’s fresh perspective and clear methods work to comfort and motivate all those looking to establish and maintain healthy, happy relationships.
- Sales Rank: #3556 in Books
- Brand: Unknown
- Published on: 2003-04-29
- Released on: 2003-04-29
- Ingredients: Example Ingredients
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x .68" w x 6.00" l, .64 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 240 pages
- Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love --The Love Connection to Codependence
From Library Journal
Mellody has written a lucid and informa tive book on a subject little understood: love addiction. Speaking both from per sonal experience and a clinical standpoint, she very carefully defines her terms, in cluding "love addict," "avoidance addict," and, of course, codependence. The last term she carefully distinguishes from love addiction. She also includes information on the recovery process, the marks of a healthy relationship, and the process of en tering into a healthy relationship. The book concludes with a set of journal exer cises designed to help someone in recov ery. Worthwhile reading that is recom mended for libraries serving both the professional and general reader.
-Barbara L. Flynn, Chicago P.L.
Copyright 1992 Reed Business Information, Inc.
About the Author
Pia Mellody is an internationally renowned lecturer on the childhood origins of emotional dysfunc-tion. Her recovery work-shops have benefited people all over the world and her bestselling books have been translated into many languages. She is a member of the faculty at The Meadows Treatment Center, a residential center for victims of trauma, emotional abuse, and addictions, in Wickenburg, Arizona.
J. Keith Miller, the author of A Hunger for Healing, is a popular speaker and conference leader, and author. Among his best-selling books are The Taste of New Wine and Hope in the Fast Lane. He is also the coauthor of Facing Codependence.
Most helpful customer reviews
31 of 32 people found the following review helpful.
Finally, I understand my relationship issues.
By margaret
Most books about codependency focus on the classic relationship dichotomy of co-dependent and alcoholic/addict/narcissist. This is the only book I have found that deeply explores the relationship that is created when two co-dependents come together.
For years I have been involved in a relationship that I knew was co-dependent, but none of the books I found on codependency really captured my situation. When I started reading this book my heart started pounding-- It was as if the author knew me, my partner and my relationship inside and out. I am only through part one of this book, but it has already transformed my understanding of my current romantic issues.
To summarize, there are co-dependents who are love-addicted and co-dependents who are love-avoidant:
Love addicts are driven by a primary fear of abandonment spawned from childhood neglect/abandonment. They are characterized by low-self esteem and neediness, and are looking for someone to rescue them and fill the hole in their hearts.
Love avoidants are driven primarily by guilt and a fear of intimacy. During childhood they took an inappropriate "care-taking" role for a parent, which taught them that loving is to care for another, but also that to love is to be drained and controlled by another persons need. They are often characterized by being very capable and very busy, but also controlling (to avoid being controlled) and fickle.
When the two come together they are initially very happy. But, with time, the neediness of the love-addict activates the love-avoidant's fear of intimacy and being controlled. The avoidant then begins to pull away, activating the abandonment fears of the love addict, and driving them to be even more desperate and needy. And thus the downward spiral begins...
The love avoidant feels suffocated and wants to pull away, but often cannot leave because of the crippling guilt they feel at the thought of abandoning the already damaged love-addict. Meanwhile, the love addict will supplicate themselves and engage in dangerously manipulative behavior in order to save the relationship and avoid the feeling of abandonment. The result is an incredibly unhealthy relationship in which neither party has their emotional needs met (in part because neither party can acknowledge their own emotional needs).
This book spoke to me in a way that no other book on the topic of codependency has. It is not only incredibly enlightening, but also well-written and an engaging read. What's more, I really appreciate the tone of the book. Where as most books written about codependency tend to be overly sympathetic and almost coddling to the co-dependent reader (for example, the Melody Beattie series), the author's approach to this kind of codependency is very detached, analytical and clinical. I personally found this a much more approachable and helpful style for my personality type.
All in all, I am incredibly glad I bought this book (on a whim!) and I am really looking forward to finishing this book and working on my issues as a love-avoidant.
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
opened my eyes
By mjvail
This book helped me to see my dangerous 'love addict' patterns that prevent me from having a fulfilling relationship. Men always think I'm sweet and kind, I didn't realize how much of a doormat I was allowing myself to be until I read this book and saw my patterns I've been living in the relationships I've had for tha last 12 years!
Now I am armed with knowledge about how destructive my love addict actions have been, I've joined a program suggested by this book and am on the road to my recovery.
One interesting pattern in this book is that of the love addict when they are involved with the love averse. My last relationship was with this type of man and it ended in absolute disaster and heartbreak. This book has given me insight and hope for one day being the "type" of person who will attract a genuine and loving man once I am healed and ready for the type of relationship I truly deserve.
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
Don't throw out the baby w/ the bath water...
By marzipan
Yes, if you think you are a love addict/avoidant, get this book. If you find yourself back in the same love cycle and never able to move beyond your relationship problems/hang-ups, etc., this book might be for you. If you can't decide if you love or hate your partner/spouse; if you're afraid you might be unfaithful if things don't change in your relationship soon...this is definitely for you! Buy it, check it out from a library...Devour it. I, myself, haven't quite finished it, but I have found it extremely helpful. I thought my marriage was over, but this book is helping us rebuild it stronger and healthier than ever before. I do encourage additional support as you go through this, however. It's intense and a good therapist/counselor can help you and your partner/spouse navigate through the difficult topics. Hope this helps you in your journey...
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